Dear Jessika

Dear Jessika,

Happy Birthday to Me! Well, maybe not so much. It may be my birthday, but it is you that is on my mind. Birthdays, holidays, vacations, every day, none of them are the same without you.

It is easy enough to smile and thank people for well wishes, but truthfully, neither your Dad or I are really happy. People expect us to be. Since it has been almost 4 years, they all assume we are "over it", moved on, happy again. How? How can we be happy when part of our hearts are missing?

Some days the tears still come. It may be a song, a smell, a taste or a brief though that reminds me of you. I treasure those memories, but the pain of you not being here is still there. A tear or dozen will fall. Rarely is the deep sobs that tore thru my body from my soul, the agony of my heart breaking. I get by, your Dad gets by. We can laugh, smile, talk about you. True happiness is gone now.

The golden memories of you, of us, the love of your children, our love for each other; it keeps us going. Peace is what I aim for now. Contentment. Joy will only return when we are all together again.
I miss you, we all miss you.

Love
Mom